The blankety blank blankest road ever...am I the only one who ever traveled a road like this? Most likely not but I sure felt all alone. The past months and even years have been long and hard and empty and lonely for this weary soul. The trials of this life have torn me down and apart piece by piece, day by day.
Trials aren't made to tear us apart...they are there to make us stronger. I would have to admit that my focus was not where it should have been through many a mile. I took my eyes off the one who was always there to lead and to guide me. I tried to fix things myself. I tried to do things my way. My heart knew all along that I was only complicating matters but I didn't care enough to stop...look and listen.
Some days I walked down that road one step at a time and others I ran as fast as I could to escape the place I had found myself in. Some of the places I went were good...but I wasn't looking for good, I wanted change, an escape. Some of the places were dark, and I knew they were dangerous but I lingered anyways until the darkness became overwhelming then I would press on my way. Some of the places were healing but those places seemed to disappear from sight so quickly. I could look back and see where I had been but had no idea where I was going.
The miles of trials continued and so did my journey. From graveside to graveside, from treatment centers to hospitals, from heartache to heartache, from disappointment to disappointment, from light to darkness and darkness to light. I could see no end in sight. I can't see one now...but I can see where I am walking today...and I can feel the one who is walking with me and I do know that He has great plans for me and the ones I love.
I wish I could say that I will never again be where I have been, but I might. Even if I find myself back there I know God plans to use each and every mile to make me more like Him. I know that nothing catches Him by surprise. I know that He loves me not in-spite of myself but because of myself. He always has...He always will love me for me...even on the days I find myself on the blankety blank blankest road ever...
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
I lived on that road...no desire to go back...but willing to watch for him in his word if I ever do. Thanks for sharing...there are many who will relate and someone might still be stuck and thinking that no one could understand and they'll know they are wrong and breath a sigh of relief!
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