The blankety blank blankest road ever...

The blankety blank blankest road ever...am I the only one who ever traveled a road like this? Most likely not but I sure felt all alone. The past months and even years have been long and hard and empty and lonely for this weary soul. The trials of this life have torn me down and apart piece by piece, day by day.

Trials aren't made to tear us apart...they are there to make us stronger. I would have to admit that my focus was not where it should have been through many a mile. I took my eyes off the one who was always there to lead and to guide me. I tried to fix things myself. I tried to do things my way. My heart knew all along that I was only complicating matters but I didn't care enough to stop...look and listen.

Some days I walked down that road one step at a time and others I ran as fast as I could to escape the place I had found myself in. Some of the places I went were good...but I wasn't looking for good, I wanted change, an escape. Some of the places were dark, and I knew they were dangerous but I lingered anyways until the darkness became overwhelming then I would press on my way. Some of the places were healing but those places seemed to disappear from sight so quickly. I could look back and see where I had been but had no idea where I was going.

The miles of trials continued and so did my journey. From graveside to graveside, from treatment centers to hospitals, from heartache to heartache, from disappointment to disappointment, from light to darkness and darkness to light. I could see no end in sight. I can't see one now...but I can see where I am walking today...and I can feel the one who is walking with me and I do know that He has great plans for me and the ones I love.

I wish I could say that I will never again be where I have been, but I might. Even if I find myself back there I know God plans to use each and every mile to make me more like Him. I know that nothing catches Him by surprise. I know that He loves me not in-spite of myself but because of myself. He always has...He always will love me for me...even on the days I find myself on the blankety blank blankest road ever...

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Christmas in July...

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Wow!!! I never imagined I would be blogging at 10 in the evening, I am usually inspired in the early morning hours but after spending the last hours reading I just have to share. I will first of all tell you that I have NEVER in my life wanted to just keep reading like this...you know it must be good or maybe just the right reading at the right time, God's time!

The book is titled A Ragamuffin Christmas by Craig Daliessio...that's right Christmas in July like I have never experienced before. Feels like an early gift...it is almost my birthday after all :) Please don't wait until Christmas to read this one. I will be reading it again the month of December every year for the rest of my life. It is designed to be an advent reading. I don't know what each of you believe theologically but I do believe there is something in this book for every living breathing person. Something that will touch your heart and soul.

I have been taken from that dingy dark and desolate cave of Jesus' birth to the very throne of God. I always knew there was something special about babies...something almost mysterious. Craig has captured my very heart for those little ones with his words. There is no love like that of a child and especially a newborn child, a "Baby King"

Read how the baby reacts to the daily visitors that come to his birth to look in his eyes...to touch his sweet face...to love and be loved. Let your soul be touched through this writers eyes, his pain, his life. This is truly a gifted heart with a wonderful story to tell. A real story...no fairy-tales here...this is life in the raw. A life lived out loud. I pray you will be blessed and will pass this blessing forward to those around you...we all need some baby love...unconditional love...

The first 50 pages are an introduction to what is to come...keep reading for the best is yet to come... I can't wait to wake up tomorrow and finish the last hour...Thank you Craig for sharing what "real" Christianity looks like...not the behind the great curtain kind...or the kind that floats around in a bubble...

It's the morning after and I have finished the book...and you won't believe what God sent me this morning right outside my door...He loves this Pamela Carol ragamuffin so much...

‎"That is the wonder of His coming to us as a
touchable, loving infant baby. His love is penetrating
when we take him to our hearts and let it do what it
does. I hold Him for a long, long time. My sadness and
regrets turn to hope and worship and joy. Babies can do
...that. Babies bring the new start we all desperately seek
from time to time in our lives. I am lost in the wonder
of holding a child and I am enchanted."

"reflection pool" blue paint...

A paint color...really God...I love it when God speaks...I love it most when I can hear...He loves it most when I listen and apply...sometimes it takes more than one coat...

I can't help but think of looking across glistening tropical blue water when I consider the name of this paint color. I also can't help but think of seeing my face looking back at me. Unfortunately I think the color from a distance would bring more peace and tranquility than my actual reflection.

We all know that things can seem so different from a far than in your face reality. We all know that we have our days when no one but us and God knows how we really feel. What we are really thinking. What's heavy on our hearts.

We've all done it...how are you? "FINE" we say...when in reality we are hurting deeply but don't even have the energy to share with others or the trust to believe that they really care or have time for "our stuff."

I have those days too but thank God that I have friends and family that always seem to know when I just need a shoulder to cry on, a knee to bow with in prayer, a measure of grace, an embracing unconditional love, a gentle touch, an encouraging word, and sometimes a kick in the pants...

When we are low we are usually the hardest person to face. The person who beats us up the most. Our very own personal bully. We are not doing ourselves or others any favor by wallowing in our self. We have to take heart...remember Who's we are and get back in the race. Back to life...back to serving others.

We need to be like John Birkitt and just hope they see Jesus in us...He came that we might have abundant life...WHOLE...

Have you looked at your "reflection" lately...I have...I don't like what I see...but I know the one who can and will make the necessary changes...I can tell Him everything...I can trust Him...

look in the water...the living water...you were made in His image...

Jesus replied, "If you only knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask me, and I would give you living water." John 4:10





This dresser project inspired this day of blogging...Happy Wedding April :)

Life is NOT a fairytale and Disney isn't doing us any favors...

I have no idea where this thought is going to take me but I do know I have a million other ones bursting to be written. I also know where it will ultimately lead. The one and only true Kingdom!

As a little girl I thought in my heart that someday I could be Cinderella. That everything I ever needed or wanted would be made available to me on a silver platter. I certainly didn't come from a home where any silver platters existed.

I grew up in a small town with small means. I didn't even know we were poor. I had clothes, food, a new doll every Christmas, a bed...even if I did share it with a brother and a sister, a dog named Albert, and one of those big deep tubs with feet.

I think I was a happy child, even though my mom always said I was her biggest crybaby. I still am!!! I remember playing in a pile of dirt all day making mud pies and decorating them with dandelions. I also loved to play with my brother driving matchbox cars through the roads we carved out with sticks. We would rake leaves into paths with larger openings that were our own little space, our room. If I had just a small place that I could call my own I could be happy there. I could make it "perfect" for me. My castle!

Some people would say those were the hard days...but they weren't. Those were the best days. Those were the days when pain and loss had not broken my heart into a million pieces. Those were the days when I still believed in "happily ever after." I am sure you can remember those days too. That would be a fairytale...and that is not the reality of this thing called life.

The reality of this life can come at you hard. It can rip loved ones from you with cancer. It can steal their minds with depression. It can drown your dreams in a single wave. It can turn your plans upside down in an instant. We just can't rely on fairytales...after all...

The apple a day theory sure didn't work out for Snow White...it was poisoned...

The glass slipper may have led the prince back to Cinderella but really people, can you imagine what your foot looks like crammed in a glass slipper...that ain't a pretty sight...

Lady married the tramp...

Frogs don't turn into princes they just pee on you when they get scared...

really guys...green tights...

never say never...oh you better say never a lot...

how many beauties end up with a real beast...

straw can be spun into gold...well maybe if you grow it for a crop...

prince charming...probably still lives with his mother...

took 7 dwarfs to take care of one woman...that's against the law...

I take it you get the point by now. Life is certainly not a fairytale. It is life. It is hard and it is real. Fortunately we don't have to depend on "Prince Charming" to come along and make our world perfect.

Be encouraged my fairytale friends because we can always depend on the King of all Kings to be there with us through each and every second of this life. He will walk with or carry you through the good times, the hard times, the bad times, the desperate times, the lonely times, the painful times, the impossible times. And when all is said and done you will be stronger. You will be able to help others in their troubled times. You will be in His arms and His will.

When The King decides your days in this place are complete He will bring you home... to a Kingdom called Heaven that He has prepared for you. Your own "little space" that will be just perfect for you!!! And you won't care if the platters are silver :) They may even be gold...

Pamela Carol Aire To The Throne

The pain of change...

Springtime always stirs my heart. The sound of the birds singing. The beauty of new life as the flowers begin to bloom. This year it seems to be stirring deeper than ever, bringing up a lot of unresolved pain from deep within my soul. Pain that comes with life...pain I have tried to ignore...

I have been thinking a lot the past weeks about all the things in this life that come and go. The people, the places, the seasons... I have also realized that I have been creating a barrier around my heart to protect me from the pain of change..the pain of losing people, changing places and seasons.

My mom died 12 years ago this spring and once again as the flowers begin to bloom I am painfully reminded that she is not here to enjoy what she loved best. I am reminded of this empty place within my soul. I know they say it gets easier with time...really? Oh how I would love to be able to talk to her..to ask her some hard questions about this life of mine, to be able to share all of my heart with her...I don't think I ever did that. To just simply plant flowers together...we loved that...

When you lose something or someone that is so close to your heart it is hard to let anything or anyone get that close again. Well it is for me and when I have the pain of change seems to always show up and the wall continues to go up.

We spent 10 years getting to know new people as they came and went within the church body that was struggling so to keep on keeping on. We fought the good fight but our hearts grew weary and we made a change. A change that brought pain and still does. I miss every single one of those people. If you know me at all then you know I miss the children the most. Their smiles, their hugs, their laughter and their always present unconditional love. Oh to hear just one of them say "Miss Carol"

Change is hard for me. I will admit I am a control person and I don't like it when things don't go as planned. I have to step back and know that it isn't about "my way" but His way. So hard to let go and let God...

My job of the past five years was such a blessing for my soul. I didn't realize that either until the pain of change showed up again. I miss the opportunity I had to love and to be loved. We had the greatest patients you can imagine. Yes we had a few that made it tough at times but over all...they brought such joy to my life. They even brought flowers...I miss those flowers...

Oh and these seasons called life...they are the hardest of all...no way to know what is next and what it will be like. Let's just say I love spring the most, when love was fresh and new and the babies were filling our quiver with their little lives. I cherish those memories...just wish I had cherished each and every moment and not rushed through them. That is so hard to do when they are small and they keep us busy every moment of every day and even some nights. We hurry them to crawl, to walk, to talk, to go potty, to write their name and say their ABC's...to grow up... before you know it...they did just that...I miss my quiver fillers...

I am so proud of each of them and thank God for what He is doing in their lives. I thank him for letting me be their mom. He must love me a lot to have given me such a gift.

This barrier around my heart has to go. I want to be able to live each day to the fullest. To love and to be loved. To give what I have been given to this world. To make someones day a better place to be. I know I may love and lose again...that's okay...the love will be worth it...it's time to change even if it hurts...

And he changeth the times and the seasons: he removeth kings, and setteth up kings: he giveth wisdom unto the wise, and knowledge to them that know understanding. Daniel 2:21

Stuffed love with a heartbeat...

As I look back on the past few days I am surprised how hard they were on me. Losing Mac has been so painful. Painful for me but more painful to go through this with Cari. Mac had a very special purpose in her life. He was there for her during some very difficult times and she adored his unconditional affections toward her.

We can all be hard on ourselves at times and for Cari that is a daily struggle. Mac was a reminder to her that she was loved, that she was needed by others, that she was special. Mac was a reminder that even when things aren't "perfect" they can still be good for the soul.

See Mac wasn't "perfect" to the people who bought him for breeding purposes. For that reason they didn't want to keep him. Their loss and our great gain. He was "perfect" for Cari. He was always there to love her when she felt unlovable. He was there to show her compassion when she could find none. He was there to be close to her when she just needed to cry. He didn't mind. He just drew closer to her. His love was always unconditional. Good day or bad day...Mac was still Mac, stuffed love with a heartbeat.

I believe God placed Mac in our lives on purpose. He is going to be greatly missed. I also believe that God is still working in Cari's life and that Mac's work here was done. God will always love Cari when she feels unlovable, He will always have compassion for her, He will dry her tears. He will always love her unconditionally. God is the love who created the heartbeat. He's perfect for her...

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

You Must be Grounded to Fly

This thought came to mind very early this morning and I have been pondering it in my heart. There are so many different directions I could go here.

"Grounded" can be applied to our lives through multiple applications. First of all let's see what the Webster's definition says:

"mentally and emotionally stable: admirably sensible, realistic, and unpretentious."

Okay that pretty much leaves me way out in left field somewhere. Boy I have a feeling this one is gonna hit home. It is plain to see that Mr. Webster forgot about being grounded spiritually. How in the world could we ever accomplish the rest of that without it?

As I considered the different ways this word can be used I thought of electrical grounding. It is certainly important to be sure our source of power is connected back to the earth to prevent injury of shock or electrocution. Now how easy is that one to relate to scripture? We all know that God is the source of all of the power within us and that we must remain connected to avoid the dangers this world can charge us with. He will protect us from the enemy.

Your right hand, LORD, was majestic in power. Your right hand, LORD, shattered the enemy.Exodus 15:6

Secondly, I thought of being grounded as a punishment. We all hated that one. Just spank me and get this over with. No one likes to be told they can't go and do what they have planned. Ouch!!! Sometimes God has to do that in our lives. There are times we may get a pop on the wrist but there are other times when He must take us out of the game for a while. He want's us to have to sit and think about what we have done. But most of all He wants us to know that He loves us and that He is going to be there with us through it all. After all it is for our own good and His good and perfect will!!!

Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalm 46:10

Okay this analogy is gonna take this to another level. How about the thought of grounded coffee beans. I know, my mind goes off in all directions. Let me explain myself before you count this out. If you drink coffee then this will obviously mean more to you personally. Think about that little bean...can you make a cup of coffee with just that? Nope, you have to have a bunch of them and they have to be ground and boiling hot water has to run through them in order to bring out their full flavor. I would have to imagine that it would not be a comfortable place within a coffee grinder or coffee pot for any of us. Yet sometimes this life can sure feel like we are right there with those beans at times. You know, the test and the trials. That's God's way of getting the full flavor out of us. That's what makes us stronger. A sweet aroma to Him. Don't miss the part about it taking more than one bean. You are not in this alone. Our test and trails can be a blessing to others if we will be real and come along side of them during theirs. We can be the cream that lightens the load and the sugar that sweetens the pain.

The LORD smelled the pleasing aroma and said in his heart: “Never again will I curse the ground because of humans, even though every inclination of the human heart is evil from childhood. And never again will I destroy all living creatures, as I have done. Genesis 8:21

Well now that we are all well grounded how will we fly? When will we fly? Why should we fly? Why would we fly when we could soar? This grounding time is complete...go soar.......


But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

Just so ya know...I don't look for ways to bring birds into these blogs...God has been doing that. I love that about Him...I love Him!!!

Let the Son Shine In

Mornings are such a precious time of the day. A new birth. The Son is on it's way to bringing new light, new warmth and new growth just to mention a few.

New light can be the difference between depression and joy, taking or giving, sitting or dancing, staying buried or blooming. What will today's new light be for you? Will you use it to guide you or will you make your own way? Will you take time to make "lighted" decisions or will you run off blindly into the dark? I hope you will bloom like the flowers of the fields under the Son.

New warmth can bring healing, comfort and peace. What needs healing? Maybe it's a broken heart or sick body. No matter the brokenness the Son can heal. He came this morning to heal. Who needs comfort? We all do. This thing called life can be lonely and frighting. Climb up in His lap and let Him wrap His arms around you. You are never alone...He shines all around you. We can all find peace if we let the Son shine in. Let Him guide your heart...better yet just let Him have it :)

New growth, my favorite of all for without it we shall all wither and die. If you are not growing you are dying. Each new day we can become more and more like the Son. We can have the opportunities to shed more light on this dark world. We can help those who are broken. We can wrap our arms around the hurting and we can offer peace though the Son. What an awesome privilege and responsibility.

Just remember...the Son is always shining...even in the darkest night...

But for you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings. And you will go free, leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture.
Malachi 4:2

A baby duck's day at the lake...

Beautiful day on the lake. Of course any warm and sunny day on the lake in February is a nice day, an unexpected surprise. Nothing as relaxing as God's creation.

As Jon unloaded the kayaks and all the gear that goes along with a day on the lake I enjoyed the scenery. The wind was pretty strong so the breeze coming off the water was a bit chilly. I wondered if I had dressed too lightly hoping that it might be like the day before of 72 degrees. There weren't any other people around at the time but that soon changed.

We paddled across to the opposite bank, it was sunny there and offered a more inviting atmosphere for the first fishing of the day. It granted me a feeling of warmth. I know I liked it better over there and we hoped the fish would too...after all the water was still very cold for fishing.

We worked our way around the lake...yes I caught a fish, the first fish of the day thank you very much. Jon doesn't mind. He is happy when I catch fish. He is happy when I do the things he loves.

As the morning wears on the fishing is slow but the activity around the lake is picking up. There are horse trails and hiking trails all the way around the lake. All the signs there say "horses have the right away" isn't that interesting? Made me wish I was a horse :)

The conversations carry across the water of parents talking with their children. It warmed my heart to see so many families out enjoying this day together. Some people were there alone...walking or running...some came with a child and others had many children. I couldn't help but remember the days when our kids were smaller and what it was like to take them somewhere like this. When they would follow us around like baby ducks.

I wish I had known then what I know now. I wish I had encouraged them more to explore...run...jump...just have FUN!!! Those days are so short, so few. I wish I could tell these parents that. I heard so may times throughout the morning, "stop", "don't", "quit", 'come back here".

Some parents were having fun with their kids and some parents acted as though this was hard work. Oh to be able to tell them these young years are the easy ones. These are the years when their biggest pain my be a skint knee or a bike fall. Mama knows how to kiss that and make it all better. Nothing like the years to come when mama can't fix it anymore.

I guess we really do need to go through this thing called life one step at a time. It might be overwhelming if we knew in advance what the future might hold. All we need to know is WHO holds the future. Guess we should always follow Him around like the baby ducks...

How precious is your unfailing love, O God!
All humanity finds shelter in the shadow of your wings.
Psalm 36:7

"I heard a story recently about a hen that apparently perished in a barnyard fire; but after the rubble was cleared out they found, under that hen, the baby chicks, alive. The mother's wings had protected those little ones; she had laid down her own life, and those little chicks under the hen were safe and were preserved."

The Big Picture...

Have you ever wished you could fly with the birds. Have you ever longed to fly away and leave all of this life's heartaches and pain behind? I actually use to have a recurring dream that I could fly...I could quickly take myself above what ever situation I was in and see down on the big picture. I just realized that I haven't had that dream in a very long time.

I have to wonder if maybe my heart no longer wants to know what the big picture is. Am I afraid of it or am I trusting God more to work it out for my good? I'd like to believe that I am trusting God but I know in my heart that this day to day life can be so hard. I know that I often lean unto my own understanding and forget to trust God. That never gets me very far or grants me an ounce of peace.

I long to be more like the birds of the field. Wake up singing...freely accepting God's gift of a new day and going about the task at hand that has been set before them. 

Spring is coming and there will be many new nest built. I have a nest of my own...but it often seems so empty...so abandoned.

I know this is the way God designed this thing called life...but it is hard. Not a day goes by that I don't long to hold my babies again, that I don't  miss them, that I don't wonder if I gave them everything they will need. As these words come to the tips of my fingers and are typed on this keyboard God is reminding me that He too has missed me, that He longs to hold me and to remind me that He is all I need.

He sees the big picture. He created it. He knows the plans He has for me. He will make a way. He is my rock and my fortress. His eye is on this sparrow and I know He watches me...

PS. Oh yes, thank you Lord for letting one of my little birdies come home and spend the night in the nest last night. She has no idea how that blesses a mama's heart! 

She painted that picture for me...and I love it...I love her...

Trash to Treasure

First of all the title comes from the thoughts in my mind today but it also reminds me of a very special friend as it is the name of her business. A friend who has loved me though thick and thin...she knows my whole heart and she still loves me...I know it is Jesus in her...

God speaks in the most unusual ways...does He not?

As I opened the blinds in my bedroom this morning I saw the trash can out by the curb...I vaguely remember the sound of Jon rolling it down the long gravel driveway before daylight. I can remember thinking that I was glad he remembered. It's sort of a personal joke around here cause acts of service feed my love language and that simple task gives me great joy...makes me feel loved...sounds silly, I know but it does.

All that said, my thoughts didn't stop there. God had much more in store for me as I caught that site. He quickly reminded me of my "own" trash...my pride...my unforgiveness, my disobedience, my lack of compassion, need I go on...all my sin. All the trash that I carry around on a daily basis when I don't have to. I could wait and take it down to the curb on Thursday mornings like Jon did today. I could bring it with me on Sunday and leave it at the altar.

But why would I wait? Why wouldn't I take that stinking stuff out daily...not daily...moment by moment? Why wouldn't I take it out as soon as I recognize it? Why would I wait until it is falling out the top and onto the floor. That floor being others in my life? Why should they have to endure the stench?

Imagine if we dump it as we go right at the foot of the cross. God will turn all that trash into a treasure. He will take my pride and turn it to humility. He will take my unforgiveness and mend broken relationships. He will take my disobedience and love me into obedience. He will take my lack of compassion and show compassion on me. He will take my sin and make me whole, clean and empty so that He can fill me up with Himself...I have to wonder if it is His love language too...does He feel loved by me when I take out my trash? Something to think about <3

Now please excuse me while I go take out the trash...